Own It: Rule #8

"At every stage of my life, I've owned it, and owned it big. Sometimes it stung in the moment, but it was always better in the end. I've never pretended to be somebody else, denied anything I've done, or refused to admit to something I actually said, even when it might have benefited me in the short term to do otherwise. Sometimes, I've even felt as if my life depended on owning it."

-Bethenny Frankel, A Place of Yes-

I'm not super great "owning it." I make the mistake of letting other people's feelings and emotions change the way I feel at times. I think mainly because I struggle with hurting other people's feelings.

I've done a lot of changing in the past four years. I guess I've started coming from A Place of Yes awhile ago. When Dave and I first started dating, we had some major communication issues. I mean, MAJOR. His family has always sat down and discussed issues and always use the phrase "No one can make you feel a certain, you choose too." Ugh, I still hate that phrase to this day!

But, there is truth to it. We choose to let other people's actions hurt or not hurt our feelings and then we should own how we react to it. I've learned how to be a better communicator. Dave and I still have very challenging arguments because of how differently we were raised, but I guess that's what makes it interesting.

I've learned to be a better listener and try, really try, to listen. I used to have arguments that were so counter productive because I was more worried about what my response was going to be and being "right", that I wouldn't even listen to what people were saying. I've learned that we are never really what we might think we are. My aunt says that a lot, "We aren't ever really who we perceive ourselves to be." And, I think there's so much truth to that. So, being a little introspective every now and then is a good thing.

I try to own it at work. I've always have. If I do something wrong, I admit it. But, I also try to learn from it and fix it. When it comes to work, I try really hard to remember it's business. It's not personal. When I do something wrong or handle a situation incorrectly, it's about the business, not how I personally did something. It's really help me and put work into perspective for me. I used to (and still do some days) get so angry and upset at work. And, to be honest, it's just. not. worth it.

Bethenny talks about truth noise in this chapter, explaining that truth noise can be painful. It's the noise you get when you are trying to do anything else but own it. You make excuses, think of how other people contributed to the situation, and avoid owning it because it's easier to point the finger at everyone than yourself.

"Truth noise is common because owning it is so hard, but here's what you have to realize: owning it is always easier in the long run than the alternative, even if it doesn't seem like that in those first moments of coming clean. Everything comes out in the wash, and the truth will always come out eventually."

-Bethenny Frankel, A Place of Yes-

I think one of the best things she said in this whole book is this, don't pretend to be something you're not. It's not like you have to shout your problems or the truth to anyone and everyone who will listen, simply own it. Don't be someone you're not. We all have issues. EVERYONE. Even the people who blog and their lives look so glamorous and perfect. We all have noise. Body noise, relationship noise, self-esteem issues, jealousy problems, whatever. It's about being real. Own it.